Wednesday, March 3

Daddy, Iz a Ziontist...

This could be the winning paragraph (it may not be...check back!):

The chamber is kept at around 10-5 torr. This is done through a series of pumps. The first pump is called a roughing pump (Alcatel 2063). The roughing pump is general pump which is used at all times to keep the chamber at low pressure. The next pump in series is called the roots blower (BOC Edwards EH500). This pump is a positive displacement pump which utilizes a pair of meshing lobes in order to pull air out of the system. The roots blower is connected to the chamber through a foreline. The foreline is a series of PVC pipe which connect to the diffusion pumps (Varian VHS 10). These pumps use high heat to boil oil, the vapor of which causes a jet of vapor which pulls air down the pump and out the exhaust. The diffusion pump closest to the sample is covered by a water baffle (Varian F8600310). The water baffle is used to keep the oil from boiling up into the chamber. Once the chamber is at a low enough temperature there are two different microwave setups which may be used in order to take data.

Unedited.

I'm sure that for most of you, you look at this as a grammar nightmare. For me, it's a scientific nightmare that you can't believe. But the grammar, too, also.

Tuesday, March 2

Daddy, This is Why I'm so Smart...

The beginning experiments determined that CP-FTMW spectroscopy is a good candidate for studying combustion reactions. In order to test the experimental setup 2,3-Dihydrofuran was utilized. DHF was a good prospect for testing the microwave setup since it's combustion process has been studied before. The pyrolysis studies of DHF previous to this research have determined many of the products formed. Since these studies give such a good background for further research, this compound seemed to be the perfect candidate for these studies.

'Nuff said. Please look at the punctuation (this was unedited).

Monday, March 1

Here's why I'm Doing This....

I got this in my inbox over the weekend. It didn't really make me feel good about myself (I've removed all names to protect the innocent):

My daughter XXX put her trust in you 3 1/2 years ago when she set out to get her Doctorate Degree. In this 3 1/2 years XXX accomplished all XXX University requirements to earn her Masters Degree. XXX needed your help to accomplish these goals. After finding out how much longer she was going to have to attend XXX to accomplish her original goal of Doctorate, caused by your lack of dedication to your students, XXX decided she would be happy with her Masters. Is it your intention to squash your student's goals because of your own inadequacy? XXX had worked so hard to accomplish her goal, just to have it wasted by a vengeful professor. You are an embarrassment to this fine institution and why the head of the XXX Dept can't help her is also a mystery. XXX needed your help and you let her down. I hope you're proud! You don't deserve to go on as a Professor at XXX University or any other University for that matter, without dedicating yourself to the STUDENTS!

I could look at this and say it's just angry parent syndrome. But there are some pretty serious accusations leveled against me, not just personally, but as a mentor as well. I will add for the record, because this irrational screed has been leveled against me, I do take it personally. And not in a vindictive manner. I want to be a good teacher. I spend hours a week thinking about how to be a better teacher, mentor, adviser. I will say one thing, that after XXX has left my graduate students, the attitude in the group has become exponentially better.

I have two female graduate student still in the group that joined at the same time as XXX. I have other graduate students that joined after XXX was in the group that are excelling in their role.

OK, I'm justifying. Maybe I need to do that after getting the irrational screed above from a complete stranger. That's what blows my mind. What kind of human being are you that sends the above email to a complete stranger?

I think that sums it all up.

One of My Favorites

Here it comes, the conflagration of isolators and circulators:

Then to the knob attenuator and to the circulator that is used as an isolator.

This is supposed to be a sentence (It is completely unedited from its natural form).

Here's a good One

A quote from my student's thesis. This is describing a very, very, very, basic device, not only for electrical engineers, but also to chemists who use this device for their own research.

A circulator has 3 input and output connections. The 1st input/output connector goes out the second input/output connector, the 2nd input/output connector goes out the 3rd input/output connection and the 3rd input/ output connector goes out the 1st connector. In order to use this as an isolator the 3rd connector is terminated so that anything coming in the first connector goes the second and anything coming into the second connector gets terminated.

Gack! I want to remind you that this was inserted in a Master's Thesis. Maybe you don't understand the operation of the device. That's not your job, when you write one of these things (a thesis) you write it with the expectation that your colleagues have a basic understanding of equipment. This student should have written (and which I substituted into their thesis) was: "The circulator was capped with a 50 Ohm terminator at output three".

Painful, verbal diarrhea.

My Graduate Student

For those of you who think that graduate students (particularly in science, which is my field) are smart, I offer this. In a few days, I will show you why I have decided to do this. Here is the first example. It is the lead-off sentence of my student, for their second chapter on why you should be interested in the techniques (implemented by this particular student, by they way), is this:

Along with studying combustion chemistry another main focus of these experiments was to show that microwave spectrometry is a good candidate for studying these types of experiments.

Believe me, it gets much, much better (or worse, depending on your point of view). For me personally, as a teacher, it's really sad. I want you to understand that this is just as much an expose on my failure to teach,  as it is what I have to work with. This is what is sent to me, not out of high school, but out of an institution that grants Bachelor's Degrees (and I use the caps only out of respect for an accredited institute of higher learning).